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It was a myth to me as of what was happening in our small apartment complex.A lifeless man roumed our hall ways in search of faces.The creature searcehd the apartment complex for life as i peeped through a small hole in the cracks of the wall.I spotted my mothers fadora next to the elevator shaft and what apeared to be her deforemd body.Her face was blanked out.All that remained was skin.I could see the creature limping futher towards my room.In a frantic attempt for survival i headed toward the window and hid myself away under a small table.Then sudenly the door stated to creek.The creature cam limping in smelling of corpses and blood.It must have been amillion faces on his body and they apeared to be alive.His hands oh how they were drinched in blood had the apearence of deformaty.I spoted my mothers face on his body she whispered "help me" and in horro i accidently kicked the table. I kept whispering to my self "im going to die im going to die over and over.Then suddenly a large dog ran by.The man like creature charged at it.In a frantic atempt for survival i climbed out the window and down the wires.I was shocked to find a war zone of transgrassers lotting . The creature soon masacred all of them as i watched behind a trash can.It had seemed as if i was free only to my surprise death stood staring me in the face.It was then that i realized i would soon join the faces on his body. | i usually ignore short stories and really long poems, but this just had so many simple errors and im bored, so this is my edit:
It was a mystery to me as to what was happening in our small apartment complex. A lifeless man roamed our hallways in search of faces. The creature searched the complex for life as I peeped through a small hole in the cracks of the wall. I spotted my mother’s fedora next to the elevator shaft and what appeared to be her deformed body. Her face was blanked out. All that remained was skin. I could see the creature limping towards my room, and in a frantic attempt for survival I headed towards the window and hid myself away, under a small table.
Then suddenly, the door stated to creek. The creature came limping in, smelling of corpses and blood. There must have been a million faces on his body and they appeared to be alive. His hands! Oh, how they were drenched in blood. He had the appearance of deformity. I spotted my mother’s face on his body and she whispered, "help me." I staggered back in horror and accidently kicked over the table. I kept whispering to myself, "I’m going to die; I’m going to die” over and over. Then suddenly a large dog ran by. The creature charged at it. In a frantic panic, I climbed out the window and down the wires in hopes of escaping.
I was shocked to find a war zone of transgressors lotting(?*not sure what this means*?). The creature soon massacred all of them as I watched behind a trash can. It had seemed as if I was free, only to my surprise, death stood staring me in the face. It was then that I realized I would soon join the faces on his body.
it's mostly only made spelling and punctuation corrections, but there's a few words i changed as well.
as for what i think of it. it is way too jumpy. i'm not trying to be rude, but you need more of a story line. i thought you were going to have a twist that it was a dream because one thing seems to just float into the next without much flow.
keep working on it. this is very creative work | RHH Peeps?? We seem to be a group of extremes. We only normally discuss really good rappers (NaS, Rakim etc...) and the ones who scrape the bottom of the barrel (soulja boy, cam'rom, shawty lo etc...) There are so many people "in between!" On a scale of 1-10, please rate the following rappers. Feel free to give reasons why you think they deserve your rating.
1. Ludacris
2. Busta Rhymes
3. Twista
4. DMX
5. T.I.
6. Cormega
7. Freeway
8. Mobb Deep
9. Jadakiss | 1. Ludacris - 6
2. Busta Rhymes - 6
3. Twista - 6
4. DMX - 7
5. T.I. - 5
6. Cormega - 6
7. Freeway - 7
8. Mobb Deep - 6
9. Jadakiss - 6 |
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